Some Musings

Of all the subjects that I've covered under this title, my military applications of marine and domesticated lifeforms has drawn the most attention and feedback, so I wanted to update everyone on some of the more interesting developments.

As everyone knows by now, I have a puppy that's rapidly becoming a dog which is evidenced by her larger size, her recent surgery for da snip snip, and her wearing shorter skirts and makeup.

Now, I'm pretty sure that I mentioned somewhere that I was outfitting Denali with rocket launchers, but because she's still growing, I had suspended the project until she could handle the weight of the weapons.

Well, it's been a good two weeks since then and....she's still not noticeably larger. And that despite all of the growth hormones, steroids, and dog food that I've been feeding her.

It was then that I suspected that I might have bought a lemon (Indiana has laws protecting against Lemon Dogs - Apple Cats are still legal...for now), so I looked at the paperwork provided by the Continental Kennel Club....and was shocked!

Turns out that Denali is an American Eskimo Miniature (emphasis mine)! You could have knocked me over with a backhoe! I had to sit down in order to take in the sheer magnitude of this revelation.

I mean....I had been looking at my puppy as a mere beast of burden when in reality, she is a super tactical genius as applied to Miniature war games!!! That's like having an Albert Einstein and asking him to carry your books. It's like having a J.R.R. Tolkien and trying to get him to carry your books. I might as well try to make a Peyton Manning, Jimmie Johnson, or Tiger Woods carry my books. I mean, sure they're all capable of carrying my books, but is that the best thing that I can use them for? Ok, in Albert's case, maybe, but only because he's dead. Oh, Tolkien too. And they wouldn't be useful for carrying them, more like...holding them.

Anyways, once I realized that I had a being that was bred for (BRED!!! AS IN BREEDING!!! AS IN NON-ASEXUAL REPRODUCTION!!!!) tactical pwnage, I started changing my approach with my new found genius.

Unfortunately, I've had mixed results. I first tried a fairly simple game called Kingmaker. I'm sure that it was mere child's play for my brilliant pup, and I attribute that to her distinct lack of interest.

I figured I'd try a more advanced game: Axis and Allies: Pacific. At least with this game, Denali show some interest in eating the Yamato and the Missouri. I'm sure she was expressing her displeasure at the simple scenarios that don't even touch a portion of her huge intellect. /sigh.

I've tried computer sim games, XBox and Wii games (her lack of opposable thumbs hindered her complete domination in Left for Dead - I still lost, but it was only by 2.3 million). So, anyways, I'm at a bit of an impasse as I'm not really sure how to best use Denali's inherent gifts in the realm of strategy.

I will persevere, however. I mean, why would someone make a special breed of miniatures dogs if they aren't meant to be used? I'm hoping that it isn't just a leftover, obsolete breed like the Dodo Blood Hounds....