Thursday, April 16, 2009

My Pond

I live in a nice suburbian suburb. And because it's a nice suburbian suburb development, it has retention ponds for retaining water that falls out of the sky. I happen to live on the edge of one such pond....it marks the back of my territory...erm...yard.

Anyways, we've always had ducks, frogs, fish, Canadian (I HATE THOSE STUPID) Geese, and the occasional blue heron in the pond and, recently, we've had a pair of muskrats move in.

....which has got me thinking.

I mean, being a huge polluter, I want to take advantage of every opportunity at my disposal to ruin our earth for future generations. But, I also want to bitterly cling to my religion and guns through resisting the totalitarian authority of the Big Obama administration.

And, that's when it hit me! The juxtaposition of both of my life goals in one single... uh... action.... packed.... uh... THING!

Let me preface this with saying that I regularly pollute my pond...I mean, I'm a good capitalist! Every two months or so, I lay down the appropriate fertilizer for my grass, depending on the time of year, and watch the resulting greening of my lawn AND the subsequent algae bloom on the pond. So, I'm no stranger to messing around with Nature's workings!

Ok, my idea: You know how all these governments are trying to store their old used up nuclear waste? Well, I can have them pay me to take it off their hands, and I can dump it in my pond! Not only will I make a buck, but also, eventually, I'll have a whole army of mutant ducks and muskrats to do my bidding!!

You can have my mutant blue heron when you pry it from my cold dead glowing green...uh...POND! That is, if you make it past the writhing mass of tentacles that will pluck your eyes out and rip off your arms, Mr. Government Official Sir!!

3 comments:

Jason said...

/scratches head

I can't tell if you're joking or being serious. I know I'd love to have a pond..and if you're destroying yours on purpose, I have to say I'm disappointed..

And then you dig at the Obama administration. You can't honestly sit there and tell me things were better under Bush? Furthermore, even IF McCain were elected, would things be any better? Either guy was walking into the game with a fixed deck.

I think Obama is TRYING to make the best of a situation that is beyond sh*tty..and I find it funny that conservatives are expecting some kind of big miracle out of the administration..which obviously isn't going to come..

Daxenos said...

If you do a search of my blog under the label "some musings", you might get a better idea of where I'm at.

And as far as the political issue, I'd like to get back to the original Constitution that our country was founded upon. We've been steadily moving away from it for a long time now.

Jason said...

Oh I'd love to get back to our Constitution as well..but like most things..it has fallen to the ultimate question..

"What if..[insert random, totally obscure situation or action a person wants to do.]"

And since society thinks the Constitution can't cover every conceivable scenario, we come up with all the other crap..

:(