No, not three level 80's; three people living in my house.
Over the weekend, my oldest son decided to spend the night at his gf's house with the knowledge that I would not allow him to continue to live at my house if he did so. He did so, and I changed the locks.
I had a feeling that he would pull something like this to get kicked out, and in so doing, he would be able to garner the sympathy of anyone who would listen to his poor story about getting forced out by his overly rigid parents.
It's really sad that he absolutely refuses to stand on his own two feet, but would rather mooch off his gf's parents until he "builds up his [Cutco] business". We offered him the same opportunity if he would only follow a few simple rules of the house, but, alas, he could not bring himself to comply.
He couldn't bear to be in the house by 1 am so his mother would not lay awake all night worrying about him.
He couldn't manage to get the day's dirty dishes done by 4 am the following morning.
He wouldn't manage his money in order to pay us his $60/month car insurance.
He couldn't be bothered to work a steady job at least 30 hours a week.
And finally, several times, he didn't take 1.5 hours out of his Sunday to attend church.
The one thing that he did do was avoid parking on my driveway. His car leaks like a sieve.
We have tried and tried for the last 8 months to work with him on these areas, and he has refused to do these simple things. We gave him his walking papers last month with a target date of Aug 31st. Unfortunately, he wanted to be more disruptive to the household, so we had to take action sooner.
Now, since he'll be living with his 16 year old gf's family (and with her by default), I'm just hoping that you won't be calling me gramps some time next year.
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4 comments:
Wow man, not really sure what to say. It sucks that it had to come to this because it will inevitably generate animosity between you two for months, if not years to come.
Actions like these, I have mixed feelings about. Obviously you can read the post about my mother and know why I feel the way I do.
Ultimately, don't make the same mistakes she did. He obviously needs time and room to grow and mature. Some people seem to think that magically happens when you turn 18 and the truth of the matter is that most of the time it takes quite a few more years afterwords.
And speaking from someone who has been on the same end as your son when it comes to the situations you laid out..chores, curfews, and forcing him to go to church..not ways to reach out to him and make him understand.
Just my two cents man, take it for what it's worth. Hope things work out for the best for all parties involved! See ya Friday!
I have no problem with my son screwing up his life however he sees fit; what I do have a problem with is him being disruptive, disrespectful, and dishonest, and if he is going to be that way, he can live elsewhere.
Just because he's my son does not mean that I have to put up with his behavior. I still love him, care about him, and want the best for him, but if he doesn't want that for himself, I won't be forcing it on him.
As for the conditions, we all have expectations and responsibilities that are associated with living anywhere; I think it is a great disservice to any person to remove any responsibility or expectations from them and allow them to come and go as they please. Everyone in the household needs to pull their weight.
Allowing a child (or an adult for that matter) to be free from any responsibilities would be very damaging to them in the future if not the present as they learn to mooch off other people or the government and do not learn to stand on their own two feet.
And when the situation is boiled down, that is what the real issue is: My son refuses to stand on his own two feet.
Sorry to hear about the munchkin Dax BUT.... I think you did the right thing.
Same thing happened with our oldest daughter and in the end the only choice left was to cut all contact.
I do hope your situation turns out happier then it did for us but I am with you that kids cannot be kids forever and do need to contribute to the household (be it chores,curfews and money).
Stay strong and remember that you arent expecting the impossible only whats right.
Wishing you the best, Sad and Gorg (if you remember us lol)
P.S. We've left the realm, could use a great pally tank and a hunter!!
SADSTER!! Hey, come on over to Kael'thas; I'm sure Blood for Blood would love to have you and Gorg!
Drop me an email and let me know how you all are doing!
I don't plan on cutting off all contact with my son, but, as you understand, I couldn't let his willful foolishness affect the rest of the household, including his impressionable younger brother.
It's too bad that he forced the issue by his unwillingness to "go along to get along." Now, he'll have to learn life's hard lessons without our safety net in place - not the end of the world, but surely a good deal more painful.
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