Friday, June 6, 2008

Some Musings

So, since my readership has increased to 6 (thanks Uncle Ernie for tuning in - Uncle Ernie brings along Bert, Jamaal, and Lil' Goodroot with his multiple personalities), I've decided to bring everyone up to speed on my current efforts to become superhuman (supero humano xmen-us) via contact with a 3 Tesla MRI. Recently I found out that Wara has been trying to do the same thing via the South Pole - great minds think alike!

Over the weekend, I had two opportunities to come into close contact with a Philips Acheiva 3 Tesla MRI and came away with mixed results. But before I disclose them to you, please allow me to list my superhuman abilities as of last Friday.

1. I can fold a sheet of paper (8.5X11) into perfect thirds making it into a 8.5X3.66666666666666666666666666666666666666666666667 folded piece of paper. This ability is well documented by my envelope stuffing days at the Geriatric Endotoxin Race for the Moat (GERM) offices.

2. I have some sort of mass on my wrist from when my brother bit me long ago that may eventually grow into a tentacle. So far, I have been unsuccessful in taking control of the mass to bend it to my will, but I continue to exercise the nerve endings in my efforts to fully develop this part of my inhuman anatomy.

3. And speaking of anatomy, the hair on my back continues to thicken into a finely woven cloak that may eventually be bullet proof. The same armor is already protecting my ears, armpits, and nostrils.

There are other abilities/anatomical niceties that I could mention, but if I told you, (everyone say it together),

"I'd have to eat granola and snort Root Beer through a straw."

LOL! That saying never loses its luster....anyways, back to the point.

So, the results of my cuddle time with the 3T (as a recent graduate of the Philips School of MRI Leetness, I'm authorized to call the Philips Achieve 3 Tesla system by the name of 3T or Trudy - my choice) were mixed. There were no Hulk like immediate changes that I could see, but there are some developing issues that may culminate with me in a spandex suit.

1. Through the power of suggestion (and a P.O.) I was able to move a part from Louisville (pronouced Lolwvul - one syllable), KY to Indianapolis (pronounced Indy), IN with very little sustaining effort on my part. All of the initial energy I expended in "thinking" the move was sufficient for the action to take place. I will have to see if I can speed up the process as it took about 12 hours for the part to make a 2 hour journey. Maybe more initial thought would do the trick.

2. I have a new freckle that bears watching. No, I haven't given up on my bite mark that will one day save the world from the Girl Scout extremists, but the spot in question has grown from 1.178472647856 mm to 1.178472647857 mm. Yes, a relatively small increase, but remember, it's taken me 41 years to grow 49 inches in stature.

3. I was able to successfully hack into the Biomed laptop that is used for getting into Trudy's service software. Nevermind the fact that there are no defined users on the laptop, so it comes up in Windows instead of a log in screen; the point is that I....I!!!!....gained access to this valuable resource. While this may be more of a skill rather than a quantum leap in brain power, I'm leaning towards the latter as it makes my reports look better.

There are other developing changes/mutations that I've noticed, but if I told you (everybody say it together!!),

"I'd probably get rabies and poison ivy, that leaves a nasty rash and makes you scratch it until it bleeds and then you have to go the hospital where you wait around while the so called heart patients continue to bump you back on the priority list and the kid next to you pukes on your shoes and finally you get an MRI done for your rash and get told to suck it up and just live with it."

/sigh! That saying never gets old!

1 comment:

Ailtia said...

What are you smoking and why are you not sharing with the rest of us?