Death comes calling

Last night, my family and I attended a memorial service for our friend, Kathy Barnes.

We've known Alvin and Kathy since we moved to Indiana and started attending Grace Bible Church. We hadn't really gotten together all that often as our kids and their kids were 10 or so years apart. But we did occasionally get together for game nights with other couples. More often, I would get together with Alvin and the guys for some Axis and Allies borefests.

As I grow older, I know that I will see more and more death. More of my loved ones will die, as well as associates, acquaintances, and friends. In the first three years of living in Indiana, I attended funerals for one of my co-workers, one of my wife's co-workers, a church member, and two of my wife's grand parents. That was more funerals than all of my 17 years in Alaska.

Kathy's passing hit close to home as she was just 38, which is pretty close to my age. Cancer strikes the whole age spectrum and pays no mind to race, creed, religion, or any other "special snowflake" group. My wife is an Oncology nurse and can testify to the diverse spectrum of people that cross her path at work.

We often look to God and ask, "Why?"

Why Kathy, God?
Why take two precious kids' mother in the prime of her life?
Why make her death so painful?
Why drag out the process for three years?
Why take one of your more faithful servants?
Why wouldn't you heal her? (He's more than able to)

Some answers, I'll probably never know. Some, I wouldn't like if I did know. And some probably wouldn't make any sense at all. What I can count on, though, is God's character, which is partly revealed in Rom. 8:28:

"And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose." NASB

I can see some of God's working this incident for good already - People being affected by Kathy's faithfulness through her three year fight with Cancer, the church rallying around the Barnes in service and providing for their needs, even at her memorial as the gospel was presented to people who may not have heard.

But all of that doesn't really affect me, however, God is using Kathy's death to spark a much needed revival in my own life. Too often in the past 5 years now, I've grown slack in my relationship with Him.

God warned the Israelites that after they had settled into the promised land and had started enjoying the fruit of that land, to not become complacent and forget the God of their fathers. Moreso, He warned them of the very real temptation to follow after their own desires when their bellies were full and their enemies vanquished.

In short, not having to daily look to God for their food (manna), water, and clothing (it didn't wear out in 40 years of wandering!), would, in turn, encourage them to think they had provided the good things for themselves, to think that they had it all figured out, and to question why they needed God at all.

And that's the place I find myself. I have a beautiful wife, trouble free kids, a nice house, nice cars, smokin' computer, 1337 WoW toons, financial security, and job security (just can't seem to fire those gubment workers). My troubles are few and far between, and I am complacent. I have looked around my "domain" and said, "Self, you really got it goin' on."

Yet, inside, I have been rotting. As Revelations 2:4 pointed out to the church at Ephesus, I have left my first love. And this isn't the first time that I've left it. Ever since we moved from Alaska, I've been moving farther and farther away from God. I look at my life as my own, but the Bible tells me I have been "bought with a price." Well, if I've been bought with the precious blood of Jesus, then my life isn't my own, now is it.

Fortunately, for me, the answer to my unfaithfulness is found right after Jesus' devastating remark, in Rev. 2:5: "Therefore remember from where you have fallen, and repent and do the deeds you did at first..."

For five years, I've been in free fall as God has removed the props that I was using to think my relationship with Him was ok. He's shown me what our relationship is really like - not much of one. That needs to change.

So, to bring this post full circle, God is using Kathy's death to draw me back to Him. And I know it's with Kathy's hearty approval. To God be the glory.